He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
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