I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
