Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
are you so shy because you have an std?
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
Randomize
