there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
