We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
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