I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
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