I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
operation have a gay friend backfired
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
Randomize
