3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
Randomize
