You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Randomize