Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
Randomize
