It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
