I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
