It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
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