Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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