I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
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