i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
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