yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
I feel like a drive thru vagina
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
