Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
