Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
Randomize
