I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
Randomize
