I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
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