Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
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