I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
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