your parents love me but you hate me
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
If I had your ass I would rule the world
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Randomize
