I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
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