Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
