'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
Randomize
