i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
Gay?
German.
Pity.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
