Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
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