I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
