She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
