I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
Randomize
