Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
Randomize
