you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
