My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
Randomize
