I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
Randomize
