then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
Randomize
