my soul wont recognize me after tonight
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
Vodka?
Forever.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
Randomize
