So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
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