we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
Randomize
