he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
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