they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
no you cant smoke seaweed
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
