Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize
