i don't plan on having that self control this summer
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Randomize
