he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
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