is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Randomize
