My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
