My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Randomize
