no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Randomize
