I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Randomize
