Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
Randomize
