My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
