ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
Michael Bay diarrhea
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
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