So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Randomize
