I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
This is my life. Enjoy the view
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
