Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
Boobs speak an international language.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
