Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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