I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
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