I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Randomize
