the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
Randomize
