Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
Randomize
