I think I died a long time ago.
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
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