Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
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