Ambien. No doubt about it.
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
Randomize
