there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Randomize
