I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
Randomize
