So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
