Hey man sorry I got all grabby
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Randomize
