just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
I love having hate sex.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
Randomize
